Nowadays, with history not being taught anymore in American public schools, self-esteem is taking its place.

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. Surgery on dead people. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything went wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funny, plastic head.

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.

Maybe democrats will eventually turn on Obamacare when they realize you might need a photo I.D. to participate in the program.

Xenophobia doesn't benefit anybody unless you're playing high-stakes Scrabble.

There is a chalk outline slowly being drawn around common sense and most people can't identify the victim.

It's foolish to be prejudiced. There are so many reasons to hate people on an individual basis.

My face seems too square and my eyes too big, like I'm perpetually surprised, but there's nothing wrong with me that I can fix.

Maybe Scotty the Potty turned into Scotty the Hottie. Have you thought about that?

Architecture and any art can transform a person, even save someone. It can for children - for anyone. It still does for me.

This country was founded by a group of slave owners who told us that all men are created equal.

Envy comes from people's ignorance of, or lack of belief in, their own gifts.

When there's something you can't understand no matter how much you think about it, you can't let yourself brood over it forever. ~Allen Walker

Some who are too scrupulous to steal your possessions nevertheless see no wrong in tampering with your thoughts.

The truth is that men can have several sorts of pleasure. The true pleasure is the one for which they abandon the other.

Now there is a final reason I think that Jesus says, 'Love your enemies.' It is this: that love has within it a redemptive power. And there is a power there that eventually transforms individuals.

Victories and defeats form part of everyone's life - everyone, that is, except cowards, as you call them, because they never lose or win.