Nyquil comes in two colors, red and green, and it's the only thing on the planet that tastes like red and green.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

You can either give in to negative feelings or fight them and I'm of the belief that you should fight them.

When will government cease being a nuisance to everybody?

If the end does not justify the means - what can?

An education program is, by definition, a societal program. Work should be done at school, rather than at home.

You gave him an opportunity of showing greatness of character and he did not seize it. He will never forgive you for that.

When you're pregnant, things-at least for me-get very sincere and very wholesome, and it's about family, and singing becomes about warmth.

I think that the over-incarceration of black and brown folk is one of the great crimes of American society.

...will you be so kind as to provide me with a few places where I might look for a murderer?" "The mirror's a great place to start

You can run on a football field but you can't hide out there.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.