O God, if there is a God, forgive him his sins, if there is such a thing as sin.

Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

I should like to bury something precious in every place where I've been happy and then, when I'm old and ugly and miserable, I could come back and dig it up and remember.

One forgets words as one forgets names. One's vocabulary needs constant fertilizing or it will die.

I have lived carefully, sheltered myself from the cold winds, eaten moderately of what was in season, drunk fine claret, slept in my own sheets; I shall live long.

The truth is that Oxford is simply a very beautiful city in which it is convenient to segregate a certain number of the young of the nation while they are growing up.

Your actions, and your action alone, determines your worth.

He was gifted with the sly, sharp instinct for self-preservation that passes for wisdom among the rich.

Beer commercials are so patriotic: Made the American Way. What does that have to do with America? Is that what America stands for? Feeling sluggish and urinating frequently?

Sometimes, I feel the past and the future pressing so hard on either side that there's no room for the present at all.

Wine is a bride who brings a great dowry to the man who woos her persistently and gracefully.

Positivity is the vault of every destiny.

My soul comes from better worlds and I have an incurable homesickness of the stars.

I think very long and hard about every possibly offensive joke I want to make. I really hate mean humor and would hate to make anyone reading my jokes feel truly bad.

I thought maybe I would become a god, or a goddess, or a president or a Nobel Prize winner.

We turn from the light to see.

Nobody knows that in reading we are re-living our temptations to be a poet. All readers who have a certain passion for reading, nurture and repress, through reading, the desire to become a writer.

Mr. President, we've taken off our "Kick Me" sign.

I have studied all the sciences and all the major religions and can sum it up in one sentence. We become, have and attract what we think about and act upon correctly the most.

The easiest way of making money is to stop losing it.

Don't feel bad, Angela," Kami said. "You know guys, they only want one thing. Repartee. I can't count how many times men have admired my well-turned phrases.