O. J. Simpson has already received the ultimate punishment: For the rest of his life he has to associate with golfers.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Resignation is what kills people. Once they've rejected resignation, humans gain the privilege of making humanity their footpath.

Best timepass for idle person is to find another and gossip, without realising that there are superlative degrees of idle, idler, and idlest.

A good message will always find a messenger.

We're having a little disagreement. What I want is a big church wedding with bridesmaids and flowers and a no-expense-spared reception and what he wants is to break off our engagement.

Sir,' I interrupted him, 'you are inexorable for that unfortunate lady; you speak of her with hate --- with vindictive antipathy. It is cruel --- she cannot help being mad.

Music was my oxygen. It's what saved me from being a really lonely and scared teenager.

I didn't work very much when they were young, and I had the luxury to be able to do that. Most people can't.

Nonviolence is not merely a personal virtue. It is also a social virtue to be cultivated like other virtues.

As important as the funds are, the vision is the greatest gift.

I prayed the monsters would give up. Or that perhaps Philip of Macedonia would climb back to the terrace (do crocodiles climb?) and renew the fight.