O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm!

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

Self-education is the greatest self-liberation.

Compassion is the highest form of love. Kindness is the best way to express love.

Being rich is an untalented artist’s consolation prize.

'Tis true 'tis pity And pity 'tis 'tis true.

To follow without halt, one aim; there is the secret of success. And success? What is it? I do not find it in the applause of the theater; it lies rather in the satisfaction of accomplishment.

I love Mayberry! The people here are wonderful! When I'm at the grocery store people come up and hug me. Friends pick me up and take me for rides on the Blue Ridge Parkway and I always love that.

I'm a firm believer that everything in life works out the way it's supposed to. And who knows? I figure I've got a few years left (in the NHL) and maybe I can come back in the end.

Whenever spring comes to New York I can't stand the suggestion of the land that come blowing over the river from New Jersey and I've got to go. So I went.

Get busy living, or get busy dying.

I have respect for those who make money at art and do it well and smartly, because that commercial aspect keeps the world going and running, in a sense.