OK, so what's the speed of dark?

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

The power we were given to think, is to enable us to live better lives, not fool more people.

Existence is illusory and it is eternal.

The present is where we get lost - if we forget our past and have no vision of the future

When your life has been spent in one war after another for forty-five years, you have to be pretty handy to survive.

The biggest downside to being a novelist is writing the novel.

One reason you are stricken when your parents die is that the audience you've been aiming at all your life - shocking it, pleasing it - has suddenly left the theater.

I'm the most recognised and loved man that ever lived

The only people who need to be "giving back" are thieves, criminals and corrupt individuals that are taking things that are not theirs.

Whoever it was, whether I knew them or not, if I could help in some way, I would. I mean, if you can help, you have to help. Don't you think? - Poppy Wyatt

Of course I could have retired anytime. But retiring would drive me crazy.