ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

We find greater lightness & ease in our lives as we increasingly care for ourselves & other beings.

Sink, suffer, self-destruct Rise stronger, reconstruct

If I had echolocation I could map out the terrain of ab muscles through sheer force of will. His cut body is meant to be relief mapped the way Braille is meant to be read. With my fingertips.

To fight against the infidels is Jihad; but to fight against your evil self is greater Jihad.

It's not the appearance, it's the essence. It's not the money, it's the education. It's not the clothes, it's the class.

It is the awareness of unfulfilled desires which gives a nation the feeling that it has a mission and a destiny.

The great number of the Jews furnishes us with a sufficient cloud of witnesses that attest the truth of the Bible.

The paradoxes of today are the prejudices of tomorrow, since the most benighted and the most deplorable prejudices have had their moment of novelty when fashion lent them its fragile grace.

Senator: Person who makes laws in Washington when not doing time.

Solitude is the mother of anxieties.