Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus.

If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't!

I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.

Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs, Pro-Nuclear Weapons, Pro-Guns, Pro-Torture, Pro-Land Mines, AND still call yourself 'Pro-Life.'

The greatest threat to America is not foreign terrorists, its domestic morons.

Loving the Second Amendment while opposing the NRA is every bit as natural as loving Jesus while opposing Westboro Baptist Church.

Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.

People get God and religion confused. I think God is a bit too hip to join any of his unauthorized fan clubs.

My mother was an ex-nun, and my father was a Franciscan brother, so I grew up believing in Jesus the way anyone would believe in Mom's first husband.

Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban.

America doesn't have an abortion problem - it has an unwanted pregnancy problem, and an abortion symptom.

We study biology, physics, movements of glaciers... Where are the classes on envy, feeling wronged, despair, bitterness.

You're buying for the benefit of the cottage experience at a fraction of the price.

Little princess, lovely as the dawn, well named Aurore.

Your entire universe is in your mind and nowhere else. To expand the universe, expand your mind.

This is a sleaze bag murdering dog and he [O.J. Simpson] has played us for fools. And the worst thing he did was exacerbate the racial divide in this country. He divided black and white America.

Revenge is never a straight line.

It's bizarre. In middle school, I thought girls were running away from me, so when they ask for a picture now, I'm like, 'Really, what?!'

We use words to understand each other and even, sometimes, to find each other.

A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?

The past has to be seen to be dead; or the past will kill.