Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Surrender to God... When you surrender, God steps in for you and takes charge...By surrendering, automatically, the onus of your happiness and well being shifts on God.

For all our penny-wisdom, ’” he said, “‘for all our soul-destroying slavery to habit, it is not to be doubted that all men have sublime thoughts.

It's amazing when you see something on T.V. for years and then you go and see it in person. It's perspective is all different.

A patriot is a fool in ev'ry age.

The story of Jesus is very fascinating. It still has such a tremendous power, even after 2,000 years! We don't really know if he existed as a historical figure.

I have a future and I have a mind and I have things to look forward to,' but to me it's just about..I love to pitch so much.

...but the truth is that I don't feel like I can carry anyone but myself right now. The streets are empty. I am empty. Or, no--I am full of pain. It's my life that's empty.

The best of life is life lived quietly, where nothing happens but our calm journey through the day, where change is imperceptible and the precious life is everything.

God realization and self-realization are one and the same. God-realization is nothing but the ability and expansiveness of heart to love everything equally.

Celebrity is a word I take great umbrage with. I'm actively anti-celebrity.