Obviously the audience has veto power signified by whether they laugh or not, but you-not them-retain the ultimate power to decide what they're going to get the opportunity to laugh at.

This whole urban rap thing needs to be pulled back some. The ghetto is being glorified, and there's nothing good about the ghetto except getting out of one.

Black people drink lots of beer. However, you won't see us skiing down a mountain for one, or see us diving for Frisbees on concrete for one.

Originality is never embraced as quickly as the commonplace.

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

Don't try to give a funny opinion; give your opinion in a way that will be funny.

Bombing teaches you how badly you want to become a comedian. Because unless it's a burning desire, you'll quit when the consistent bombing becomes too much to take.

If I'm crisp and economical in my delivery, have smooth transitions, movement and animation, and flights of fancy, that would get me an A.

When I saw a sign on the freeway that said, "Los Angeles 445 miles," I said to myself, "I've got to get out of this lane."

You can't wait forever for an audience to get the joke, but you should give them at least two seconds to join in before you go on to the next one.

I advise treating the studio audience like a nightclub audience because that's the reason you're doing television - to get them to come see you in a nightclub.

moving on means we have to protect ourselves.

I remember how amazing it felt to be loved by him and how he was all I ever wanted.

Just because you're with someone, doesn't mean you're not alone.

Jihad should be waged in places where there is war. Bombings in places where there is no war is not a good thing.

Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

Poetry must be as new as foam & old as rock.

My husband says I look like a Q-tip.

National security advisors are not there to be advocates, generally. They're not there to be partisans, they're not there to be ideologues.

Happy people don't run a 3:47 mile.

If it were now to die, 'twere now to be most happy.