Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Dreaming is what you do when your eyes are closed...living is what you do with that dream once you open your eyes!

Our foot step may slip without the order of God.

The more candles on my cake means I get a little more exercise in blowing them out.

No matter what business you're in, you can't run in place or someone will pass you by. It doesn't matter how many games you've won.

I always said that if I have the perfect club then I should play the perfect game.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

All of Victorian verse is pentameter.

Curiosity killed the cat, but where human beings are concerned, the only thing a healthy curiosity can kill is ignorance.

Folklore is the perfect second skin. From under its hide, we can see all the shimmering, shadowy uncertainties of the world.

To preserve my brains I want food and this is now my first consideration. Any sympathetic letter from you will be helpful to me here to get a scholarship.