Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Our hearts, the war.Her body, the battlefield.

It meant that she belonged some place. She was a Brooklyn girl with a Brooklyn name and a Brooklyn accent. She didn't want to change into a bit of this and a bit of that.

The sin which is indulged to the greatest extent, and which separates us from God and produces so many contagious spiritual disorders, is selfishness.

Keep on being a star in your own right. Keep on defining yourself. Don't be defined by others.

As long as somebody is guaranteed a certain number of sales you know you're gonna keep seeing these vanity projects. I mean they have a place, they serve a function they can bring people into comics.

If a religion is unpatriotic, it ain't right.

I love soul. But I love a tune that has some meat in it. Something I could hang my hat on. Because music is universal.

Religion is something people do together to face urgent problems and to resolve them by appealing to truths that seem self-evident to them.

It was one of the most disgusting spectacles I've ever seen-- this white-haired old man, who should have been thinking of the hereafter, standing there lying like an actor.

The sky already fell. Now what?