Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.

The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.

The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.

Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.

I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.

Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses.

If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.

Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.

Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Truth has the biggest mouth in the universe, wisdom has the largest ears, love has the strongest hands, and faith has the ablest feet.

The most important step in developing skillful speech is to think before speaking.

Did it do me any good, early in life, to believe so many things which were not true? Or did it damage me? Pouring a foundation of disappointment, of uncertainty.

How can we be so utterly perfect, and you chose the douche who doesn’t have the first clue what he has?

The lucky person passes for a genius.

now I am capable of youth, but not capable of few years - that is the pitiful thing.

Where there is no desire, there will be no industry.

A sage is the instructor of a hundred ages.

A friend of mine once said he like his women like his parmesan: strong smelling and shaved. I don't agree with that, but I don't like hairy women.

Just remember this- weird's good. Embrace the weird, dude. Enjoy it because it's never going away.