Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

Unfortunately, wisdom and happiness are old enemies, and where one can be found, the other seldom lingers. - Wollof

And all the winds go sighing, For sweet things dying

Believe in yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Have faith in your own abilities, work hard, and there is nothing you cannot accomplish.

I lead a very physical life. I played a lot of sports and I spent a lot of time in the water surfing, swimming. I was a big swimmer.

Pray as if God will take care of all; act as if all is up to you.

I always thought of my work as being animated by a spirit of unhinged generosity.

When educating horses there is no greater maxim than slow is fast and fast is slow.

Don't ever become so preoccupied by who you want to be that you forget to be who you are.

The future, like everything else, is no longer quite what it used to be.

Everything I have done or attempted to do for Scotland has always been for her benefit, never my own and I defy anyone to prove otherwise.