Oh I'd be more than happy to hold, I'll just spend the time working on that brain tumor.

Women do not lie about their age. In fact, no woman ever has, its just that memory is the first thing to go.

Word of advice for any young man that might want to take out Malia or Sasha Obama - Their father can order an assassination, don't piss him off.

Word of advice - never ask a terrorist the question 'What would you do for a Klondike bar?'.

Son, my dad said, every man needs a bitter, resentful woman in his life. Because there's nothing more touching to a mother's heart than to know that her son thinks of her constantly.

There are only a few things that are more entertaining than watching a cat trying to run across a freshly waxed wood floor after a ball.

If a 6 foot tall talking Badger comes to your door with a great deal on health insurance, be certain to ask if it includes in-patient psychiatric care.

The Black Pit of Despair is temporarily closed for renovations. We apologize for any inconvenience.

... relationships required such vigilance, such attention. You had to hold them together by force of will, and other people took up so much space, demanded so much time. It was exhausting.

We hated each other so well and loved each other so badly...

There’s something tightly woven throughout the fabric of our humanity that runs entirely opposite to the baser instinct of looking out for our own good.

Everywhere I look, there are ads marking Mother's Day. Mostly they conform to stereotype: flowers, jewelry, perfume. Not a lot of books. Not many computers. Few tools. Little that's useful.

We don't believe in market research for a new product unknown to the public. So we never do any.

Rather than having small smart tricks to get by, focus on holding on and persevering.

My body loves my in spite of how I may treat it. My body communicates with me, and I now listen to its messages. I am willing to GET the message.

I'm tired of people not treating me like the gift that I am.

Throughout my life, I've had different metaphors for freedom. At one time, it was skin diving. In the ocean you feel weightless; you escape from gravity.

You know the disease, you know the remedy, only have faith.