Oh, I'm a dangerous criminal, I am,' said the dwarf cheerfully.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

Failures are finger posts on the road to achievement.

I know lots of people who are educated far beyond their intelligence.

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Baptists never make love standing up. They're afraid someone might see them and think they're dancing.

It's better to have died a small child than to be a politician who gets caught in a scandal during a slow news month.

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Dare to exercise rational thinking.

When admiring human accomplishments we should not confusethe achievements of the few for the capacity of the many.

Dude, we gotta work on your material. Hell, all you need is a little black moustache to twirl and go ‘Muahahahaha’ while you’re at it.

Experience is not what happens to a man. It is what a man does with what happens to him.

I've done many different movies in many different contexts.

Intellectuals never sound more foolish than when posing as the last civilised man.

I have no talent when it comes to pianos or guitars or any of that, even karaoke. For karaoke, I have to be wasted to get up there and sing.

You are as close to God as you choose to be.

It wasn't aliens that first made us gear up for war; it was our fellow humans.

Security of character would be like a compass, you know? Other people may say that this way is north, or this way might be north. But the compass just says -- north. That's what we count on.