Oh, I would while away the hours, Wanking in the flowers, my heart all full of song, I'd be gliding all the lilies as I waved about my willie, If I only had a schlong.

Children see magic because they look for it.

He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift.

It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them. The key — and this is very relevant in our case — is to find someone whose insanity dovetails with your own.

Oh, we are but soft and squishy bags of mortality rolling in a bin of sharp circumstance, leaking life until we collapse, flaccid, into our own despair.

Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.

If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.

Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place.

So hey, once Joshua heals your brother, you want to go do something, get some pomegranate juice, a falafel,or get married or something?

Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel.

I have often though morality may perhaps consist solely in the courage of making a choice.

There is more than a mere suspicion that the scientist who comes to ask metaphysical questions and turns away from metaphysical answers may be afraid of those answers.

I don't need love or a man to complete me,and someday, you'll find that true for yourself. Suitors will come and go, but you will remain.

In Hollywood gratitude is Public Enemy Number One.

The cure for crime is not the electric chair, but the high chair.

I love animals, always have, and it seemed natural to help the ASPCA. Animals have no voice of their own, so we have to be that voice

Everything we do impacts someone else's life.

The Bell never rings of itself; unless some one handles or moves it it is dumb.

Pain is the body's way of telling the brain it's in trouble. Similarly, confusion is the brain's way of telling the body, 'All right, buddy, drop that book.