Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car, is it?

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

If I were reincarnated I would wish to be returned to Earth as a killer virus to lower human population levels.

During the Blitz, a lot of shops had their windows blown in and put up notices saying, 'More open than usual'. I now declare this place more open than usual.

Cannibalism is a radical but realistic solution to the problem of overpopulation.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?

People think there's a rigid class system here, but dukes have been known to marry chorus girls. Some have even married Americans.

I would like to go to Russia very much — although the bastards murdered half my family.

You're just a silly little Whitehall twit: you don't trust me and I don't trust you.

The bastards murdered half my family.

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, in order to contribute something to solve overpopulation.

If you have the words, there's always a chance that you'll find the way.

Ethics and I had crossed paths recently, and I’m not sure that I fell on the right side of the morality line.

There is progress whether ye are going forward or backward! The thing is to move!

How do we help the church get their respect back? I have a plan: pedophile crucifixions.

For almost two months now I've been struggling away with no result.

Some woman are more interested in what they look like than what they are. If they more interested in what they are, they would look better.

The only natural human beings seem to be those who are making trouble.

They [FBI] had a lot of clippings, a lot of articles I'd written. And to me the - the funniest one was - I had done a piece for Playboy about J. Edgar Hoover.

I would be more frightened as a writer if people thought my movies were like science fiction.

I was still 15 when I met John Lennon at a village fete in Woolton, in Liverpool.