Oh look, an ATM! Ok, here we go! I lost all my money, now what do I do? Get a gun! Rob a casino! Good idea! Look at all the lights! This is beautiful.

To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.

Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?

Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.

God's everywhere, but I gotta go down (to church) to see him? Really? And he's mad at me down there, and I owe you money?

Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.

Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else's success is not your failure.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.

The past is never dead. It's not even past.

We live in a world of disposable memory, nothing's built to last, not even shame.

He did everything to-get-her but together was never his goal.

Progress? Oh, I think so. The iceman melteth.

We don't need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.

Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery. People are working every minute. The machinery is always going. Even when you sleep.

Fear is a tyrant and a despot, more terrible than the rack, more potent than the snake.

Sometimes men pick fights just for something to do-just to feel something like the threat of harm and the possibility of triumph.

Just because you're perfectionist doesn't mean you're perfect.

Initiative is as essential to success as a hub is essential to a wagon wheel.