Oh my god... Kerry is boring even when Bush is reading him.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

Just because the roads were bad in the past we drive slow but if we still continue the same way on the highway of Life, you can never ‘Accelerate

Perhaps we are all fictions, father, in the mind of God.

The natural distribution is neither just nor unjust

I owe nothing to Women's Lib.

It was always a challenge for me to prove that a Russian financial investor can be as successful in the West as back at home in Russia.

If you've become a huge act and you're still doing the same music you wrote with your friends when you were making zero dollars, you're lazy.

Children are arrows in a quiver, and they are to be trained as missionaries and shot at the Devil.

Adam had once told Gansey, "Rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after it's done.

Every once in a while I have this thought, we've got to piss off the religious people. How are we going to do that?

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.