Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

FABLEHAVEN: None who enter will leave unchanged. Trespassers will be turned to stone.

Each time you allow the past to hold your future, [he] steals more and more from you.

When we set a goal we are fulfilling our destiny. Even if we do not reach it, we have changed our lives and the lives of others by attempting to reach it.

The ' pleasure' of being drunk is obviously the pleasure of escaping from the responsibility of Consciousness.

I had something in my throat. It felt like I had swallowed the whole world.

I think it's important to break taboos for the same reason it's important to break laws and rules - because either you're a slave to them, or you're taking matters into your hands.

Music is a soundtrack for your life. You hear some tune and you just get swept right back to that point in your life.

Mostly people are ignorant, what is the language of painting. You know, they're ignorant. It is so difficult to make them aware, but time will teach them.

I know all about dreams that make you want to scream.

Why am I seeking? I am the same as he. His essence speaks through me. I have been looking for myself