Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either.

I've been a little cranky since that house fell on my sister.

A balanced diet and a brisk daily walk will help keep you healthy, but there's nothing like a good-looking young man with a nice butt to help up your cardiovascular system.

You are a perfect woman, a magical blend of beauty, intelligence, and spirit. Without you, my life is nothing.

Yeah, world peace would be all right, but what about a day off in a slab of ham the size of my head.

There aren't many things a man finds more appealing than loyalty. Unless it's a woman with really big knockers.

I'd trade every last one of you for a moment's peace and a dog that didn't P on the carpet

If they really wanted us to resist temptation, they shouldn't a made it so damn tempting.

It's not as if I don't like men, I just have more respect for my washing machine.

In my experience, "what the hell" is generally the most interesting decision.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

The Soul's knowledge is lovingly gifted, just as you are presented with gifts - from those you love.

This planet is a wonderful place, but a vulnerable place.

You know when grandparents get older and they can't do things for themselves anymore? I'm gonna struggle with that. Because I hate depending on people to do anything for me.

Tell your story. That's the secret of immortality. The one true way to live forever.

My dream is to have a house on the beach, even just a little shack somewhere so I can wake up, have coffee, look at dolphins, be quiet and breathe the air.

I like time off because I also have a life outside of theater.

Parents die, daughters grow up and marry out, but sisters are for life.

The task of evangelism often involves preparing an open road so offenders can find their refuge in Christ.

I think the traditional explanation is that demons just find someone, they pick on them and try to break down their spirit so they can... take control of their bodies. Why exactly? I don't know.

Every man gets an opportunity once in a lifetime.