Old women with mobile phones look wrong.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Garlic bread - it's the future, I've tasted it.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when your hand or head is stuck in something.

You ever dip your biscuit in your tea and it breaks. I swear now, you never get used to that.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

I'm not homophobic. I'm not scared of my house.

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

Write what you believe to be true

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.

in order to do evil, must first believe that what they are doing is good, otherwise they can't do it.

If God, as they say, is homophobic, I wouldn’t worship that God.

There are two types of people in this world - those who would appear on reality television and the rest of us.

While negativity is politically useful, it is also demoralizing unless it is accompanied - and to some extent overshadowed - by elevated and inspiring ideas about the American future.

I can't change the past, but one person can change the future - anything can happen.

What are ye orbs? The words of God? the Scriptures of the skies?

Ratings agencies are highly conflicted, unimaginative dupes. They are blissfully unaware of adverse selection and moral hazard. Investors should never trust them.