[On Nancy Reagan:] At one photo op press conference, she toured a crack house and decried how awful it was, yet one suspected that for our Drug Czarina it had something to do with a plaid couch.

A friend of mine said, no matter what I do I always look like an English teacher. She actually said, you still look like a Campbell's Soup kid.

Moms Mabley said you have to say good things about the dead. I say, 'He's dead. Good.'

I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.

When women go off together we call it separatism. When men go off together we call it Congress.

I consider a CD or a comedy collection as a record of what I've been doing, and I try to wrap it up and start new material.

The Administration's policy on women is often hard to see because it is written in the font size of pharmaceutical ads.

Whenever a woman describes herself as a 'post-feminist' I picture women lashed to posts. Joan of Arc was an early post-feminist.

Teaching is performance art.

[On cloning sheep:] Oh great, just what we need - more sheep.

My style has been pretty much like a newspaper. It's got politics in it, it's got media, sports, family relations, you know, all the sections you would expect, and wonderful religion things.

A goal without action is like a late night dream.

Never quit on your one and only dream !!!

An indecent mind is a perpetual feast.

I do not write about nice people. I am not nice people.

I get freedom out of hip-hop. I get to be a true artist without any shackles or harnesses.

The Chinese do not draw any distinction between food and medicine.

"The New York Times" is reporting correctly that women had accused a presidential candidate of sexual assault. Now that's news on any level. I mean you can't argue that that's not news.

Nature is a wet place where large numbers of ducks fly overhead uncooked.

I hate movies that take a long time to shoot or directors that labor over every shot or do excessive amounts of coverage and excessive takes and don't keep things moving or constantly cutting.

Things arrange themselves with time. Only God can have everything to His liking; His servants should act as Our Lord did.