On a trip to Israel, Sarah Palin asked the Israelis why they're apologizing all the time. They responded saying, 'Because we told everyone Tina Fey was coming.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

We need to make progress. Otherwise we're waiting for news in a world where there is no longer any news.

God began by revelation to build a bridge between Himself and people.

My words express my feelings but not more than my heart.

Fanatics are like debris following the course of the wind, they are swept around like sand, and convinced to believe in what they do not understand.

Companies that cannot successfully answer what they do fail to then understand how they can continue to do it in the face of change.

My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine too decent too old.

Tis no dishonor when he who would dishonor you, only dishonors himself.

A collection makes its own demands. Many artists have been collectors. I think of it rather as an illness. I felt it was using up too much energy.

I'm not very domestic. For years my children thought mold was a frosting.

Style is a way of talking about yourself.