[On acupuncture:] The needles are small and won't hurt at all. In fact, they'll feel good. Ha, ha! Just kidding. They feel like needles. Because they are.

In short? It is exhausting being me. Pretending to be normal is draining and requires amazing amounts of energy and Xanax.

Because you are defined not by life's imperfect moments, but by your reaction to them. And because there is joy in embracing - rather than running from - the utter absurdity of life.

Every time I get scared or feel like I'm not going to be good enough at something, I say that mantra to myself. "Pretend you're good at it."

When Hailey was born my first thought was that I needed a drink and that hospitals should have bars in them.

So many of us feel like we're misfits until we finally find our tribe - the other people who are are strange in the same way - and suddenly everything clicks.

It’s amazing how much you’re missing in a depressive state until you start to come out on the other side. It’s like breathing again after being underwater for far too long.

But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with.

If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both.

High School Is Life’s Way of Giving You a Record Low to Judge the Rest of Your Life By)

Meanwhile, I was doodling pictures of vampiric cougars.

Part of the happiness of life consists not in fighting battles, but in avoiding them. A masterly retreat is in itself a victory.

The kind of love bounded by the sympathy will break down by arrogance.

Smile, it's easier than explaning why you're sad

I met Steve McQueen once. Well, met isn't really the right word.

No matter how you have searched, there will always be one teaspoon left at the bottom of the washing-up water.

The worst law is better than bureaucratic tyranny.

You lie long enough and you start to get used to it.

Local television and local TV news isn't telling the voters about local candidates.

Boredom between two people doesn't come from being together physically. It comes from being apart mentally and spiritually.

I think telling stories is like pushing something. Pushing against uncreation itself, maybe.