On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn't, he said: Do you mind if I mug you here?

When I wake up on a Monday morning and I realise I don't have to go and work at the civil service, I really think I've won.

My school days were the happiest days of my life; which should give you some indication of the misery I've endured over the past twenty-five years.

I was trying to organise my DVDs into a sort of chronological order, and I am afraid that it all trailed off after the Sixties.

I don't consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.

I'll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I've never got over it.

I remember being fascinated by the very nature of comedy from the age of 10; why is this funny, and that isn't?

All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds - I can't stand Noel Edmonds.

If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there is no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don't tell me you haven't done it.

I don't always vote in general elections, but I think I've always voted Labour.

If you became a comedian in the '80s, you had to work the circuit and make people laugh. Canned laughter is cheating.

If you want something bad enough, then do something about it!

Life starts with the birth

Summerhill children are allowed to go through their gangster period, and consequentially more furniture is destroyed.

The old Televisions had an off switch.

I don't represent large corporations and I don't want their money.

The foundation of your life is luck. Hard work and talent make up the difference.

Life is passing you by as you speak, you're on a path and you're all on the same path toward death.

I love the theater, but if I had to choose, I would choose a film at this time in my life. Something meaty, to sink my teeth into.

I want to leave my country without leaving my home.

I'd love to give Malcolm the truck. We're going to figure out how to make that happen.