On my gravestone, I want it to say, "I told you I was sick."

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

Laws of attraction could build a strong relationship among married couples or friends.

They lay together like a word and a comma, asleep within an unfinished sentence.

Not having to own a car has made me realize what a waste of time the automobile is.

there's no defense except all the errors made

Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons.

Of course you're always at liberty to judge the critic. Judge people as critics, however, and you'll condemn them all!

I never desired to go into war zones. I never had any thought about it. It sort of just happened as part of the job.

The last level of metaphor in the Alice books is this: that life, viewed rationally and without illusion, appears to be a nonsense tale told by an idiot mathematician.

When I draw a character, very often as I'm doing a face, my face mirrors the expression.

Immigration has been [Donald] Trump's signature issue throughout his entire presidential campaign, and his supporters love him for it.