On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.

Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.

An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.

My granddaughter and I are inseparable. She keeps me wrapped around her little finger.

Retirement means no pressure, no stress, no heartache... unless you play golf.

What a bargain grandchildren are! I give them my loose change, and they give me a million dollars' worth of pleasure.

My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.

My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.

Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven't thought of yet.

I like to do nice things for my grandchildren - like buy them those toys I've always wanted to play with.

Retirement: It's nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.

This is one of the disadvantages of wine, it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

the elephant can remember.

It is going to take a very brave man to love me.

One cannot say he wanted wit, but rather that he was frugal of it.

In legislation we all do a lot of swapping tobacco across the lines.

I have a vision for a world where business is the most powerful force for positive change.

God wants us to become himself or herself or itself. We are growing toward Godhood. God is the goal of evolution.

When I first started comedy, me and my friends were kids. I claim - although I know that it's a spurious and probably untrue claim - that we were the first generation of kids to act black.

The first clergyman was the first rascal who met the first fool.