On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: "I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did."

Don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.

It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.

Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.

I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.

Alice: "I'll play you for it. Rock, paper, scissors."Edward: "Why don't you just tell me who wins?"Alice: "I do. Excellent.

When you're dealing with an ambivalent relationship, you're constantly on guard, grappling with questions of trust.

People with a meagre soul always try to make others feel small too.

Chance is the only source of true novelty.

What separates the professionally successful ... from all the rest is their ability to stay steady, to have stamina. It is one thing to write a good sentence, another to write a good book.

We can unravel the logic behind who succeeds and who doesn't.

Irish women are always carrying water on their heads, and always carrying their husbands home from pubs. Such things are the greatest posture-builders in the world.

Well, just as the Supreme Court follows the election returns, you can bet that the bureaucracy does as well.

When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.

Give us a world where half our homes are run by men and half our institutions are run by women. I'm pretty sure that would be a better world.