On tour, its either call ex-boyfriends or tweet a lot. Youre just looking for any proof that youre not completely alone.

Do you guys think its worse to wear a fedora or kill 15 people?

If you text 'I love you' and the person writes back an emoji - no matter what that emoji is, they don't love you back.

I would say that I have a love-hate relationship with almost everything in my life, including stand-up.

Sometimes when Im nervous, thats when the most interesting things happen.

Why are old maps always burnt?

I feel like women are frequently seen as guests in the comedy world.

My parents divorced when I was one year old so I don't really remember any of the details, but luckily my mom does so she's been really helpful.

I only do private room karaoke where its just me and one of my closest girlfriends. My mom always said I could really belt songs out, and the Dixie Chicks feed that encouragement.

Im Jewish and Italian, and I lucked out and got the nose of both cultures.

The wonder of life begins in the womb of a woman.

You can never expect too much of yourself in the matter of giving yourself to others.

90% of the functionality delivered now is better than 100% delivered never.

Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it.

Truth isn't beauty. It isn't even always true. Truth is nothing more than consistency of message. I learned that from advertising.

One should see any opportunity to serve as a rare and precious gift...and never waste such an opportunity.

Fashion is nothing more than the temporary custom of rich and idle people who make it their principal business to study the external elegance of life.

Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them?

Hell is oneself, hell is alone, the other figures in it merely projections. There is nothing to escape from and nothing to escape to. One is always alone.

Winter in #‎ Maine is a time of alternating rest and frenzied activity.