Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

The trouble with parents is they remember the things you don’t want them to remember. Then the things you want them to remember, they forget." Kosi Kamsi

It took me far too long to realize that lost years and relationships cannot be recovered. That damage done to oneself and others cannot always be put right again.

Fearing the wind that causes the shaking branch directs you to where energy is needed for improving your life.

Guns are the crutches of the impotent.

The more freedom is extended to business, the more prisons have to be built for those who suffer from that business.

A contemplative should pay equal attention to concentration, energetic effort and equanimity, and not exclusively to one of these factors only.

I'm terrified of motorcycles. I've been on one a couple of times. I did not like it.

God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. ("In God we Trust") is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.

Everyone wants to turn on their TV and have a break from their normal day.

Perspective is a moment in time that cannot be fully appreciated until that moment has passed.