Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you took everything I’d ever found hot in a girl and piled them into a corner, you’d get Cricket Hunt standing in a corner.

The arbiter of a demanding wargame rendered the word "mismatch" as "challenge" in his language.

A patriot is a fool in ev'ry age.

It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta

The more you are focused on time-past and future-the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.

Every time I fall in love with a book, I just feel grateful and thrilled to have it in my life.

I look back at my filmography, and I'm pretty jazzed with the stuff I've been part of. They're all movies I'd like to see.

You are the sunshine of my life! Thanks for brightening my world with the warmth of your Love.

A thought is an idea in transit.

Where there is real love one wants to go to church first.