Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

No sport, watching horror movie with friends in bright room.Try that alone at night without light with mirror above screen!

Knowledge is proud that it knows so much wisdom is humble that it knows no more.

Why should there not be a patient confidence in the ultimate justice of the people? Is there any better or equal hope in the world?

I tried. But not everybody thought so.

I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system.

Trump's not the future; his ideas and his coalition are a dead end.

Busy your mind with the concepts of harmony, health, peace, and good will, and wonders will happen in your life.

In business, there’s such a thing as an invaluable person, but no such thing as an indispensable one.

Will be a divine fight, a holy war...Armageddon on a miniature scale.

When an instrument admits two constructions, the one safe, the other dangerous, the one precise, the other indefinite, I prefer that which is safe and precise.