Once you get offstage you're just like everyone else, and everyone else can get into a fight.

Pre-mature ejaculation. Let's talk about it. Premature ejaculation. That's a pretty fancy term for, "Ooooooh Oh no. This has never happened before."

My gym has two-pound weights. If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym? What's your dream? To pump up and open your mail?

Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!

Let's say you're in a situation where crystal meth can help you. Like, I don't know, you have too many teeth.

Remember when you're young and you think your dad is Superman? And then you grow up and realized he's just a drunk who wears a cape.

Don't get me wrong, I like to cuddle. But there is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can't get away.

What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.

Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.

You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Edward: You know what the difference is between a dream and a goal? he used to say to me. A plan.

I know but one freedom, and that is the freedom of the mind.

Life is a series of decisions and reactions. It is the things you do and the things that are done to you.And then it's over.

I took Spanish in high school and I didn't do too well in it. My Spanish teacher told me not to go on with Spanish anymore, so I was discouraged a little bit.

I was brought up by my father to think that the best thing in life was to be charming, to have a nice smile, always to be liked.

I don't know how anyone can put on a uniform and not care about winning.

I was young and not gloomy and there were always strange and comic things that happened in the worst time.

The most knowledgeable person is not necessarily the person who runs the government, nor the church, nor the business.

My, I get so depressed after a poor meal; that's why I can never stay in England for more than a week.

Oh! Stars and clouds and winds, ye are all about to mock me; if ye really pity me, crush sensation and memory; let me become as nought; but if not, depart, depart, and leave me in darkness.