Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

With much prayer, more grace abounds for every good work.

Happiness is not a horse you cannot harness it.

I expect that any day now, I will have said all I have to say; I'll have used up all my characters, and then I'll be free to get on with my real life.

Only three percent of adults have written goals, and everyone else works for them.

I hope my head doesn't get very big. I'm just going to keep my feet on the ground, stick to friends and family and try to lead a normal life.

One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span, Because to laugh is proper to the man.

Anytime you want to lay off the paybacks God, that'd be great.

If I really considered myself a writer, I wouldn't be writing screenplays. I'd be writing novels.

Words can have the same kind of magic as riffs can.

As long as there are postmen, life will have zest.