One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I just don’t know where to go from here, Alex.”“You don’t have to, we can trace our map together.

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

There is evil in all of us, and it is the mark of a man how he defies the evil within.

Because you've been on dates where y'know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

No human testimony can have such force as to prove a miracle, and make it a just foundation for any such system of religion

It is the vain endeavor to make ourselves what we are not that has strewn history with so many broken purposes and lives left in the rough.

Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.

I am not yet born; O fill me with strength against those who would freeze my humanity.

I have had a lot of good things happen, but I've also had a lot of terrible things happen.

The way that helps will not be the same; it changes according to the situation.