One day all of us will die but - and this is the important thing - we are not dead yet.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.

Integrity means that you are the same in public as you are in private.

Your mind will never lose anything forever that's worth keeping.

I think the worst thing in the world is to have the courts decide who to target in the war on terrorism. And courts are not military commanders.

Gossip isn't scandal and it's not merely malicious. It's chatter about the human race by lovers of the same.

Our understanding is correlative to our perception.

Diamonds - that'll shut her up... for a minute!

He who is fair to look upon is good, and he who is good will soon be fair also.

Each section of the British Isles has its own way of laughing, except Wales, which doesn't.

I don't sing because I'm happy; I'm happy because I sing.