One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Beyond speech and mind, Into the river of ever-effulgent LightMy heart dives.Today thousands of doors, closed for millennia, Are opened wide.

Sometimes it is hard not to say "God forgive God." Sometimes, it is hard to say so much. But if our faith is true, He didn't. He crucified Him.

Failure isn't an option. I've erased the word 'fear' from my vocabulary, and I think when you erase fear, you can't fail.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey stoopid.

We are very influenced by completely automatic things that we have no control over, and we don't know we're doing it.

Nothing that we have authorized conflicts with any law regarding privacy or any provision of the constitution.

Nonviolence is an unchangeable creed. It has to be pursued even in face of violence raging around you.

Get into the habit of singing a tune. It will give you new life and fill you with joy. Get into the habit of dancing. It will displace depression and dispel hardship.

'Tis the soldier's life to have their balmy slumbers waked with strife.