One day the "Don't Knows" will get in and then where will we be?

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Enemies aren't always garnered through action... Sometimes they appear for no other reason than to shame the goodwill of loving & kind people.

My energies have been drained.Masturbating too much will do that.

Magicians and Mentalist predict the future because they create it.

My parents were what I like to call proper musical fans. Lots of Sondheim was played in the car.

It's the ordinary things that seem important to me.

I think there's been a decline in the public's access to what's being done with their tax dollars, what's being done in their name. I hope that that will be repaired.

What is it about sadness that can be so fulfilling?

I know it can't be the same between us, but that doesn't change the way I felt about you then.

A gracious soul may look through the darkest cloud and see God smiling on him.

It doesn't matter what product or service you're offering; there is unlimited ability to improve the quality of anything.