One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.

All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.

There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.

It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!

The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.

All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.

I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.

Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.

At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.

To all things clergic I am allergic.

A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.

Faith implies the disbelief of a lesser fact in favor of a greater.

I don't actually think “true love” is such a good term because love can only be true. If it isn't true it can't be love.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Pride defeats its own end, by bringing the man who seeks esteem and reverence into contempt.

People should meet an acceptable threshold of appropriateness. But for many women in the public eye, it just seems that the burden is so heavy.

We are all as God made us and frequently much worse.

Say nothing good of yourself, you will be distrusted; say nothing bad of yourself, you will be taken at your word.

Sentence writers are not copyists; they are selectors.

We live in a world of copies and we're fascinated when we encounter the originals (in a museum, for instance).

When we say "the state," the state is We, it is we, it is the proletariat, it is the advanced guard of the working class.