One meal a day is enough for a lion and would be for all of us if all we did all day was swat flies.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

If you want to find God have a look around you. He's in everything you see, smell, taste, feel, touch and believe.If he wasn't, he wouldn't be God.

I don’t belong here, ” I said. “I don’t even believe in gods.”“Yeah, ” he said. “That’s how we all started. Once you start believing in them? It doesn’t get any easier.

Joy is always a function of gratitude - and gratitude is always a function of perspective.

Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself.

I don't think I have the stamina anymore and I certainly don't have the health.

It's a blue album, but it's not a blues album. I'm not pretending all of a sudden now I'm blues.

Feed on Christ, and then go and live your life, and it is Christ in you that lives your life, that helps the poor, that tells the truth, that fights the battle, and that wins the crown.

We all come from our own little planets. That's why we're all different. That's what makes life interesting.

For although God is right with us and in us and out of us and all through us, we have to go on journeys to find him.