One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I want people to think of Hawaii and think of palm trees and magical islands and Bruno Mars.

Memory has always been social. Now we're using search engines and computers to augment our memories, too.

You have now reached infatuation’s final destination—the complete and merciless devaluation of self.

The majority never has right on its side.

TV is very much my first love. I love this world. It's where writers have the most creative control, and I just love that.

My books come to me in images, and sometimes the image is at the beginning of the book, and sometimes it's simply a flash somewhere in the middle.

Folk-rock hasn't changed much over the decades since the Byrds started it.

I often think of the space of a page as a stage, with words, letters, syllable characters moving across.

It's very difficult to make a living in music these days. All it takes is somebody paying.

Never forget who was there for you when no one else was.