One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

If you want friends you must be friendly. Always complaining and posting negative comments is not going to bring you friends. No one likes to get puked on.

A strong wind was blowing and it felt really very cold and seemed so unfamiliar and bizarre. But the trees remembered me. They bowed gently in the breeze…and called me nearer, welcoming me.

I think that 'The Shield' was a phenomenal series finale.

Love is the force that makes us fully human.

They say of me, and so they should, It's doubtful if I come to good.

If you are the light, if your enemies are darkness, then there’s nothing that you cannot justify. There’s nothing you can’t survive, because there’s nothing that you will not do.

I'm not capable of having an affair. You can ask my wife. I'm not physically capable.

Get through today – you can fall apart tomorrow. Get through tomorrow, you can fall apart the day after . . .

and remember, nobody's feelings are more important than your own, so take time to love yourself.