One of the great things about the Internet is that you can read what everybody has to say about everything. It is fascinating to me, the critiques about humor by people who have no sense of humor.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

You know, the world is all about balance. You lose something here... maybe somebody else picks it up over there.

First steps are always the hardest but until they are taken the notion of progress remains only a notion and not an achievement.

May God fill you with much joy and peace of mind.

Deep down, we remain human, very human and have all the desires to love and be loved by one person.

I have insomnia, and it's hard for me to sit still for a long time. My mind is always "tick, tick, tick."

What they're not doing is marketing the Dead Kennedys in the spirit of what the band stood for.

I don't like to fight.

Every negative event contains within it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.

There is a vast difference between how things seem from the outside and how they feel on the inside.

‎There is a place where voices sing your beauty, A place where every breath carves your image in my soul.