One of the greatest gifts to mankind is laughter, and one of the greatest gifts to laughter is Lucille Ball. God has her now but thanks to television, we'll have her forever.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

We keep searching for things all our life, yet seldom do we notice them!

My mother told me, 'Always do your best, ' and my dad says, 'It's important to be humble. That's the key. They're not there for you. You're there for them.'

I keep my hands empty for the sake of what I have had in them.

It is not shameful for a man to succumb to pain and it is shameful to succumb to pleasure.

It's a prizefight. Get off the stool, take your beating, go back to your corner, rest, and take a beating again. Believe in your own talent. Marry well.

My anxieties have anxieties.

The three most written-about subjects of all time are Jesus, the Civil War, and the Titanic.

The more I learn about God, the more aware I become of what I don’t know about him.

One thing is sure: if you want running fast in competition, you must run fast in training. The problem is WHEN and HOW, not IF.

Hip-hop is limiting itself and that also goes for editorially. Magazines and websites are the gatekeepers of what people think hip-hop is, but they actually end up limiting what hip-hop can be.