One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

You’re allowed to feel whatever you want. - Jason Dorsey

People want to give everybody a pass, but leadership comes at a price.

In consequence of inventing machines, men will be devoured by them.

Percentages are why I am rich.

I am a huge fan of 'Doctor Who.'

Do you think it would be quite so easy to kill them now that your weapon has been destroyed?' he sneered. 'No,' she said, frowning at him, 'Obviously not.

One of the main things that I read about it that appealed to me was in Islam a man is honored as a human being and not measured by the color of his skin.

My grandfather, on my father's side, helped to draft one of the first constitutions of China. He was a fairly well-known scholar.

To expect alien technology to be just a few decades ahead of ours is too incredible to be taken seriously.

Inquisitiveness is self-serving, Johanna. -Marcus Eaton