One of the marks of a truly great mind, I had discovered, is the ability to feign stupidity on demand.

Anyone who knew the word slattern was worth cultivating as a friend.

If poisons were ponies, I'd put my money on cyanide.

The spectrum on the list is very broad. It includes leftists who think that whiny liberals should be stuffed in a sack and drowned.

I always knew that I wanted to work on my own material - something that would be more long-lasting than short-lived electronic transmissions.

As I stood outside in Cow Lane, it occurred to me that Heaven must be a place where the library is open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. No ... eight days a week.

Whenever I'm out-of-doors and find myself wanting to have a first-rate think, I fling myself down on my back, throw my arms and legs out so that I look like an asterisk, and gaze at the sky.

Chicken fizz! O Lord, protect all of us who toil in the vineyards of experimental chemistry!

Compared with my life Cinderella was a spoiled brat.

I'm at that age where I watch such things with two minds, one that cackles at these capers and another that never gets much beyond a rather jaded and self-conscious smile, like the Mona Lisa.

Although it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.

I have this feeling that immigrants unwittingly help to keep peace between nations by being scapegoats for national ills that would otherwise be blamed on neighbours.

Actors, " he says, "should only be superficial on the surface.

Never measure yourself against magazine covers. Every 'perfect' body you see in a bikini is a result of weeks of dieting and exercise. And airbrushing.

I was born looking older... and I've been aging since I was a teenager.

I have to admit that when I watch a movie in which there is no moral context for the violence - I find that offensive. I think that's potentially damaging to society.

youth is quick in feeling but weak in judgement.

Is everybody in?... Is everybody in?... Is everybody in? The ceremony is about to begin...

It was easy to know the doctrine. It's much harder to help a billion people live it.

Sometimes with a comedy it's just having the instinct of how real you play it and what level you want it.

I say, Lord, do right be me, I'm tired of being lonesome, on'ry, and mean.