One of the problems with the Internet is that a lot of times it is inaccurate.

I have balls the size of grapefruits and come this Sunday, you'll be spitting out the seeds.

You need to surround yourself with quality human beings that are intelligent and have a vision.

You can rise above it. This country gives you opportunity if you want to take it, so don't blame your environment. I look down on people who use their environment as a crutch.

I don't give a damn what the fans think cause, quite frankly, I know what the fans want better than they do.

That crossover of whether it's entertainment or news is the biggest crock of b.s. in television today, because it's all entertainment.

From a person standpoint, the old expression of what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is somewhat true.

I'm not afraid of failing. I don't like to fail. I hate to fail. But I'm not afraid of it.

I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.

If I like you, I'm going to tell you. I'm a hugger, even with men: I'm just very deep.

The chances of you winning are the same as the chances of HELL freezing over.

Especially in the world of comedy, it feels like you have to be proactive, in terms of pitching and trying to sell and being a part of the creation of the stuff that you do.

Reader, you forget that economics precedes religion; worship grew out of eating, not the other way around.

Do not, however, mistake me. It is not to my good friend's heresy that I impute his honesty. On the contrary, 'tis his honesty that brought upon him the character of a heretic.

When people believe a conclusion is true, they are also very likely to believe arguments that appear to support it, even when these arguments are unsound.

When the Federal government buys the mortgages, they're not spending it, they're investing it.

You see there are people who believe the function of the police is to fight crime, and that's not true, the function of the police is social control and protection of property.

To be honest, I don't want No. 1's anymore. Now, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind the odd few, but I'd also like a record going in at eight and staying around.

Down cycles are not fun. But they form the basis for enormous future profitability

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

Strong leaders understand that action cures indecision