One of the reasons I still do stand-up is because it was so hard in the beginning that I feel like it would be such a shame not to redeem it that it's all fun.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

For we think back through our mothers if we are women.

I have read the last page of the Bible. It isall going to turn out all right.

Progress is not accomplished in one stage.

Civilization is held together by duct tape and spit, and I'm worried about the duct tape.

I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.

We’re all women. We all have the same wonderful situations happen to us, the same horrific situations. We all get our hearts broken.

When it comes to saving England, Maggy is Ball's Deep

We tell our portfolio companies that it's really important to be metrics-driven and to track their conversions. It goes back to building that scalable sales model.

I'm a vegan. I respect the environment, and I do my best to spread the importance of such an issue.

France has given us the best filmmakers and food.